Omigosh, I just found out my end-year results and it ain't that good. I'm afraid I won't even be in the 1st class next year D: I mean I did improve, but probably not good enough. And when I go to a lower class, it means I'm gonna lose my dignity. Plus, I know that my Dad's gonna kill me for sure. I mean whose parents doesn't want their kids to go to a 1st class? And you know that if you drop, your parents ain't gonna be proud of you. Cos they're gonna lose their dignity too.
Damn I'm friggin scared of the consequences. God knows what's gonna happen. But since I improved a lot, who knows I might actually stay. But, I'd better not put my hopes up high. I don't wanna end up feeling down because I didn't achieve anything.
But if I really couldn't stay in the 1st class this year, then I guess I'll try harder next year. (Let's just hope I'll still live). I'm like known for the most negative person among my friends. I mean I can't help but to think of all the consequences that I'm gonna be facing soon.
All my friends are just trying to bring me to the positive side. I'm like pushing it away from me. Idk why, so don't ask xP Now, I'm pretty much relying on miracles. (If there is such thing anyway). :P
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
I'm damn happy now.
Life's good. It's like perfect! With my new friends and somebody to love, i won't have anything to worry about. Drama just passed and to tell you, it wS like he'll awesome! I've never had so much fun for so long. All the partying with my best budds, and laughing at the stupid jokes!! I'll never ever forget the moments that I had with all my best friends!!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I'm 23 years old and I want you to be mine.
I met this guy at the roller skating ring. He's 23 years old which is 9 years older than me. It all started with him, giving me a sweet lollipop. When he took my hand and skated with me, I felt normal. Until when I actually realized that he actually likes me.
I tried ignoring him, but I guess it was useless doing so because the more I avoid him, the closer he gets to me. He would purposely stand in my way and hoped that I would just bang into him. When I fell, he would help me up. When I'm talking to him, he would grip my hand tightly as if I'm gonna leave him so soon. And he would look at me and when I ask why is he looking at me so intensely, he'll tell me that I'm beautiful.
I can't forget how he touch my head, asking me whether does my bruise hurt. Or when he whispered something in my ear that was his secret. He told me his real name, and I promised not to tell anyone else but myself. I feel like everything that I've been through is coming back to me again and the best part is that I'm allowing it to flow into my head again.
I've forgotten what's it like to be in love, to be loved and liked, to be pampered, and to be told that I'm a beautiful person. I missed the feeling of being cared for or being wanted so badly. Even though some of my closest friends advice me that he could be a dangerous person and I should really forget about him and move on, I just can't. I can't forget him at all.
After I went home, I miss him more. I know that maybe the next time I go back there, he might have already forgotten me and like someone else. Who knows he might even be in another relationship. I'll be a stranger to him again. I'm tired of thinking about everything that is unimportant. But some thoughts can't be avoided.
I'm a complicated person and yet why do some people still trying to understand me? What's the use of that really? No one knows who I am. And it'll take time for them to finally figure it out. I'm done with this.
Tell me I'm immature already. Cos I really feel childish right now.
Broken heart in my chest.
Sadness surrounding me.
I'm begging you not to break it.
END...
I tried ignoring him, but I guess it was useless doing so because the more I avoid him, the closer he gets to me. He would purposely stand in my way and hoped that I would just bang into him. When I fell, he would help me up. When I'm talking to him, he would grip my hand tightly as if I'm gonna leave him so soon. And he would look at me and when I ask why is he looking at me so intensely, he'll tell me that I'm beautiful.
I can't forget how he touch my head, asking me whether does my bruise hurt. Or when he whispered something in my ear that was his secret. He told me his real name, and I promised not to tell anyone else but myself. I feel like everything that I've been through is coming back to me again and the best part is that I'm allowing it to flow into my head again.
I've forgotten what's it like to be in love, to be loved and liked, to be pampered, and to be told that I'm a beautiful person. I missed the feeling of being cared for or being wanted so badly. Even though some of my closest friends advice me that he could be a dangerous person and I should really forget about him and move on, I just can't. I can't forget him at all.
After I went home, I miss him more. I know that maybe the next time I go back there, he might have already forgotten me and like someone else. Who knows he might even be in another relationship. I'll be a stranger to him again. I'm tired of thinking about everything that is unimportant. But some thoughts can't be avoided.
I'm a complicated person and yet why do some people still trying to understand me? What's the use of that really? No one knows who I am. And it'll take time for them to finally figure it out. I'm done with this.
Tell me I'm immature already. Cos I really feel childish right now.
END...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
New School xD
Hey everyone :)
It's been quite a while. I still remember how happy I am to go to my old school during because I find school a more happier place to be at. But, when the last days arrive, I felt so devastated. I miss my friends every single day. And I always thought how I would never go through this. To me, without them, I'm nothing. I'll be lonely with no one to talk to. No jokes to laugh with or even share with. I even tried wishing that the day wouldn't come. It was difficult when I said goodbye to everyone. I couldn't help the tears. I just wanted to let it all out. Share those tears that I would shed there. That's the last time I'm crying there.
When I went home, I realize I forgotten Danisha's gift. I quickly hailed a cab to get the present because it's really important to me. I kept all the gifts that they gave. When, I reached school I felt like I don't belong there anymore in an instant. I don't know why. Since when I walked away from there and then I came back, it felt a little awkward because it's like I'm a stranger who tries to fit it like my first day of school in there.And when I went to my class to get the gift, I sat on my desk one last time and cried. I was so depressed because I know I might not see them anymore. Even if I want to I can't. You know why? because of my transportation. I've always had transportation problems.
So when I finally moved in to my new house, I was so freaked out about my new school. I kept wondering how would the people there be like or would they like me? or would they hate me? I even wonder whether would I fit in and make best friends? because a lot of people said that I'm a socializer but actually I'm not really sure. I'm not THAT good in starting conversations or find a good topic.
But so far, in my new school it wasn't as bad as I thought it was and I guess I fit well. I remember on my 1st day of school Chun Hou was like " TEACHER!! IS THAT OUR NEW CLASSMATE?". The class was damn noisy and loud but it was fun. I met new friends straight away and I suddenly got really talkative. I even thought that I was getting noisy and annoying but I guess they were alright with it. I like it here because it's like these people really except who you are without really judging you. Well, they do judge you but not as much. They're friendly and I like them.There's like loads of Chinese people even though it's a Malay Government school. It actually feels like a Chinese school sometimes and there's even like a Chinese class during school hours but if some students don't want to join either Chinese or Tamil class, they go somewhere else like me. It's like free time when some people don't really get enough of it. So that is usually the time when I catch up with my homework or studies. There's like only a few Malays. Hindus are like average numbers laa.
I feel kinda racist now xP.
Well that's all for now. I'm like really tired cos I have to wake up at 6am 2mrw and go to skool at 8am til 7pm..so i gotta rest..plus amer is talking sick stuff to me so i guess i gotta pay attention xP
It's been quite a while. I still remember how happy I am to go to my old school during because I find school a more happier place to be at. But, when the last days arrive, I felt so devastated. I miss my friends every single day. And I always thought how I would never go through this. To me, without them, I'm nothing. I'll be lonely with no one to talk to. No jokes to laugh with or even share with. I even tried wishing that the day wouldn't come. It was difficult when I said goodbye to everyone. I couldn't help the tears. I just wanted to let it all out. Share those tears that I would shed there. That's the last time I'm crying there.
When I went home, I realize I forgotten Danisha's gift. I quickly hailed a cab to get the present because it's really important to me. I kept all the gifts that they gave. When, I reached school I felt like I don't belong there anymore in an instant. I don't know why. Since when I walked away from there and then I came back, it felt a little awkward because it's like I'm a stranger who tries to fit it like my first day of school in there.And when I went to my class to get the gift, I sat on my desk one last time and cried. I was so depressed because I know I might not see them anymore. Even if I want to I can't. You know why? because of my transportation. I've always had transportation problems.
So when I finally moved in to my new house, I was so freaked out about my new school. I kept wondering how would the people there be like or would they like me? or would they hate me? I even wonder whether would I fit in and make best friends? because a lot of people said that I'm a socializer but actually I'm not really sure. I'm not THAT good in starting conversations or find a good topic.
But so far, in my new school it wasn't as bad as I thought it was and I guess I fit well. I remember on my 1st day of school Chun Hou was like " TEACHER!! IS THAT OUR NEW CLASSMATE?". The class was damn noisy and loud but it was fun. I met new friends straight away and I suddenly got really talkative. I even thought that I was getting noisy and annoying but I guess they were alright with it. I like it here because it's like these people really except who you are without really judging you. Well, they do judge you but not as much. They're friendly and I like them.There's like loads of Chinese people even though it's a Malay Government school. It actually feels like a Chinese school sometimes and there's even like a Chinese class during school hours but if some students don't want to join either Chinese or Tamil class, they go somewhere else like me. It's like free time when some people don't really get enough of it. So that is usually the time when I catch up with my homework or studies. There's like only a few Malays. Hindus are like average numbers laa.
I feel kinda racist now xP.
Well that's all for now. I'm like really tired cos I have to wake up at 6am 2mrw and go to skool at 8am til 7pm..so i gotta rest..plus amer is talking sick stuff to me so i guess i gotta pay attention xP
Lalala~~ <3
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I Never Told You.
I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night.
I miss the way we sleep.
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile.
I miss the way we breathe,
But I never told you what I should have said.
No, I never told you, I just held it in.
And now I miss everything about you.
I can't believe it, I still want you.
And after all the things we've been through.
I miss everything about you, without you.
I see your blue eyes every time I close mine.
You make it hard to see.
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you.
It's like I'm not with me.
But I never told you what I should have said.
No, I never told you, I just held it in.
And now I miss everything about you.
Still, you're gone.
I can't believe it, I still want you.
And I'm loving you, I never should've walked away.
After all the things we've been through.
I know it's never gonna come again.
I miss everything about you, without you.
Dark Inky Heart - Hatred and Un - Lasting Love. <3
I miss the way we sleep.
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile.
I miss the way we breathe,
But I never told you what I should have said.
No, I never told you, I just held it in.
And now I miss everything about you.
I can't believe it, I still want you.
And after all the things we've been through.
I miss everything about you, without you.
I see your blue eyes every time I close mine.
You make it hard to see.
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you.
It's like I'm not with me.
But I never told you what I should have said.
No, I never told you, I just held it in.
And now I miss everything about you.
Still, you're gone.
I can't believe it, I still want you.
And I'm loving you, I never should've walked away.
After all the things we've been through.
I know it's never gonna come again.
I miss everything about you, without you.
Dark Inky Heart - Hatred and Un - Lasting Love. <3
Saturday, January 29, 2011
My new friend.
Just met a new girl call Kelly Chong. She's so freaking pretty wei. She's got eyes that are so huge and cute and she has nice hair too xD she totally speaks fluent chinese which actually helps me learn and practice my chinese writing and saying more. LOL I know i suck in chinese a lot. I'm just not really used to it. It's cause I don't speal chinese at home, only with my cousins and aunts and uncles. I speak hokkien to my grandparents and I am WORSE in hokkien. I'm like so not like those typical chinese at all. Sad huh? an english educated chinese girl who doesn't really know how to speak or write chinese is still trying to recall her chinese standard one lessons because she kinda forgotten all of it. I used to be so normal in all those chinese speaking and now when someone actually speaks to me deep chinese I'll be like " Huh? wth r u tryin to say wei? can u speak english?" it's kinda embarrassing because i am not christian and i'm buddist and i'm suppose to be really good at it. That's why i'm speaking to Kelly in chinese so that i can actually be better at it next time xD
Saturday, January 22, 2011
As a man.
A new start is always frightening. But I truly believe it's love. Trying to be more happy then my painful separation. We should promise eternity and swear on it.
Since you're a man, you wouldn't know even if you die. Since I'm lacking, since I'm foolish, I'm only looking at you. Since you're a man, you wouldn't understand me. You probably just want to be free, you probably won't be able to change, because you're a man.
You're next to me but why does my heart feel empty? Why is it that your words "I Love You" don't sound the same as before? The long waits are getting harder and harder. I think of giving up hundreds of times.
I feel uneasy and can't sleep until you fall asleep. I go crazy when I can't contact you throughout the night. I'm not a woman who expects many things. But I collapse from one of your inattentive words.
I still feel like when we first met. I flutter in front of your smile. But even when these small expressions are nowhere to be found between us. But since you're a man, I still love you.
Since you're a man, you wouldn't know even if you die. Since I'm lacking, since I'm foolish, I'm only looking at you. Since you're a man, you wouldn't understand me. You probably just want to be free, you probably won't be able to change, because you're a man.
You're next to me but why does my heart feel empty? Why is it that your words "I Love You" don't sound the same as before? The long waits are getting harder and harder. I think of giving up hundreds of times.
I feel uneasy and can't sleep until you fall asleep. I go crazy when I can't contact you throughout the night. I'm not a woman who expects many things. But I collapse from one of your inattentive words.
I still feel like when we first met. I flutter in front of your smile. But even when these small expressions are nowhere to be found between us. But since you're a man, I still love you.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I'm Free..
Now I guess I'm really over him. I saw him at school and everything came back. But now I think I'm ok now. I'm moving to Puchong soon. I'm really excited. Who knows maybe I'll get another hot guy over there which is better than him? Let's just hope for the best. My new school rocks and my new house is nice too. Hopefully I'll get to meet new friends. And I mean good ones. I'm going to miss my best mates. But I guess it's the only way to set my heart free. But I can still meet up with them. Just not everyday. But I don't mind. New House. New School. New Mom. New Friends. New Family and New Life. + New Love.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The Time's Up.
I've come to my senses lately. I'm over him. I'm ready to move on now. All I know is that he is such a bloody jerk and he's just worthless. He doesn't deserve me at all. Girl power's back people!!
muaxxx
Put this as your status, even if you're taken, and see what people want from you. & be honest.
1. Another chance
2. Love
3. A kiss
4. Friendship
5. To chill
6. A hug
7. A relationship
8. A laugh
9. An apology
10. A chance to be friends
11. A greeting
12. To be best friends
13. To go out
14. To get to know me better
15. My number
muaxxx
Put this as your status, even if you're taken, and see what people want from you. & be honest.
1. Another chance
2. Love
3. A kiss
4. Friendship
5. To chill
6. A hug
7. A relationship
8. A laugh
9. An apology
10. A chance to be friends
11. A greeting
12. To be best friends
13. To go out
14. To get to know me better
15. My number
please comment!! xD
The End..
Well, my boyfriend just broke up with me. I'm really depressed. I get it if he wants to study for PMR. But I'll still like give him space to study and I won't bug him until his exam is over. But he didn't think of how I would've felt. I'm hurt. I'm heartbroken. That's how I feel right now. Now all I really hope is to just get out of this school and move on. I can't face him or even look at him anymore. It's really awkward. He doesn't love me anymore. All those promises he made turned out to be empty ones. All those sweet talk was meaningless. I feel so betrayed. It feels like I hate him, but I don't. I feel that I'm pissed at him for dumping me, but I don't. I miss him so badly. I wish he would come back right by my side. But, no. He won't anymore.
He chose to move on. While everyone is trying to persuade me to move on and get over him. Telling me he is not worth it and he doesn't deserve me at all. But I'm not even sure if he's not worth it or maybe I'm the one who doesn't deserve him at all. Maybe I'm just not good enough for him. I feel so lonely all of a sudden when I'm so used to have someone by my side. Now, I'm all alone. I see my sister, my dad, and some of my friends, being so in love, and spending time with their lovers really breaks my heart. I'm so fragile. I've always thought that I'm stronger than I look, but right now, I don't feel as strong anymore.
I feel so weak. I feel left out. Like a nobody. Being with a relationship is not about popularity to me. I'm in a relationship not because I want to be in the group and be popular. I just want to love someone and be loved by someone. But, I've been in 2 relationships and they both ended up badly. But this 2nd relationship, I thought I've found the one for me. I felt all the love he gave me. I love him so much.Now I'm confused. All those love, were those feelings fake too? I don't know.
My love life is sad. I want to find the one for me. I guess maybe the time isn't right yet. I don't know how am I going to get over him. It won't be easy then. At least I have my friends by my side. But those times that we had together, it's not easy to forget them. Those wonderful times..will be kept as memories which will lie in my heart forever.
Let's just hope I find someone that really cares for me. Who really loves me with true feelings. That could never let me go.
Let's just have the positive side for now. Hopefully..this broken heart in me...would eventually be mend. :)
He chose to move on. While everyone is trying to persuade me to move on and get over him. Telling me he is not worth it and he doesn't deserve me at all. But I'm not even sure if he's not worth it or maybe I'm the one who doesn't deserve him at all. Maybe I'm just not good enough for him. I feel so lonely all of a sudden when I'm so used to have someone by my side. Now, I'm all alone. I see my sister, my dad, and some of my friends, being so in love, and spending time with their lovers really breaks my heart. I'm so fragile. I've always thought that I'm stronger than I look, but right now, I don't feel as strong anymore.
I feel so weak. I feel left out. Like a nobody. Being with a relationship is not about popularity to me. I'm in a relationship not because I want to be in the group and be popular. I just want to love someone and be loved by someone. But, I've been in 2 relationships and they both ended up badly. But this 2nd relationship, I thought I've found the one for me. I felt all the love he gave me. I love him so much.Now I'm confused. All those love, were those feelings fake too? I don't know.
My love life is sad. I want to find the one for me. I guess maybe the time isn't right yet. I don't know how am I going to get over him. It won't be easy then. At least I have my friends by my side. But those times that we had together, it's not easy to forget them. Those wonderful times..will be kept as memories which will lie in my heart forever.
Let's just hope I find someone that really cares for me. Who really loves me with true feelings. That could never let me go.
Let's just have the positive side for now. Hopefully..this broken heart in me...would eventually be mend. :)
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